The Journal
by umgirl2000
Summary: Told from the perspective of Barbara during the CTM 2016 Christmas Special.


_**Author's Note:** I am a die hard Turnadette fan, but Barbara captured my heart. Her romance with Tom has spoken to me since before it began. This one-shot came into my head this morning and I had to get it written down._

With a pen in my hand, I left the cottage where I had been staying and went to find a quiet place to write. Phyllis was packing, and Trixie was out preparing herself for what would need to be done with her in charge of Hope Clinic. I knew I wanted to take the time to write before I boarded the ship to return home to Poplar- for seasickness and writing would not mix very well. So many things had happened on this trip to South Africa and I needed and wanted to remember them. Phyllis's photos would help, but writing would be my personal reminder.

Not many people knew I wrote in this leather-bound journal of mine. Phyllis had some idea for she had seen me place the book back in its safe spot time and time again. I never chose to write it in our room- instead finding a quiet nook or cranny at Nonnatus to do so. I had started it soon after I arrived in Poplar when a case shook me to my core. It had involved a mother giving birth to twins and one arrived stillborn. I had to find someway to work out my grief and frustration over the case, and when I saw the journal in a shop window it was my answer. Since that time, I wrote in my journal when the mood struck me about cases, living at Nonnatus House and Tom.

As I settled on a spot near the clinic, I smiled at the sight of my left hand. A grass ring was now there- the announcement to the world that I was engaged to the Reverend Tom Hereward. When I had found him with the cake tin from Nonnatus House, I wasn't expecting anything. He had his hands behind his back and I rambled on to him about not wanting to see the cake when we were at the Bay of Biscay- throwing up on his trousers once was enough for me. Once I mentioned it, he grabbed the tin from me. Once he said my name, I knew something was different about this conversation. He gave me the most sweetest speech about how his hand was the only one to touch this blade of grass. He also promised me a gold ring and diamond, but asked if I was willing to accept this grass ring for now. I told him "yes, I will." He then officially proposed to me and we shared the most wonderful kiss- passionate, gentle and totally romantic. It was in fact our first kiss here in South Africa...

Before we left Nonnatus House, Sister Julienne told me that Tom and I must respect the boundaries. It was easier while we were on the ship since I stayed so sick. Once we arrived at the clinic, little moments began to appear. One such moment flashed in my mind and I began to write it down. It had happened in the clinic the first morning- a sick infant was fretting and I volunteered to give it the glucose and water solution. Tom had came in to check on the water situation and we had a wonderful conversation which ended with him admitting to me, "In my mind, I'm kissing you very gently." to which I gracefully replied, "I'm kissing you back." I could still feel his eyes on me even after the conversation ended.

After a few hours on the beach- when I let my frustrations soar about how I was feeling about the trip, Tom and I remet in the room we used for chapel. From the the moment he said, "hey you" I knew he forgave me. Once the apology was said, I found it hard not to walk into his arms and kiss him. But somehow, we kept our boundaries. He mentioned he wanted to make one of the new fathers a foreman, but he had TB- and was there anything he needed to know about it. I let him know what I knew, and he took it to heart. Since the conversation we had about "menstruation", Tom has become more open about learning about medicine. He told me that it was only fair that he learn about my line of work since I already knew so much about his...

From then on, it was business as usual. Even when Sister Winifred and I took lunch out to the crew, we managed to respect the boundaries. But once we became engaged, we wondered how to approach it. We walked back to the clinic with our fingers intertwined and him holding the tin. I could feel Sister Julienne's eyes on us as we approached her. I could tell she was not pleased with us showing affection and breaking the boundaries. As she was about to protest, Tom placed the tin on a nearby table and told her, "Barbara and I just got engaged. I hope you can allow us to show some sort of affection now." Sister Julienne looked at me, and I nodded while extending my left hand. Sister Julienne smiled at the ring and said, "Yes, I think I can allow it, but just don't overly do it." The glance she gave me made me blush as I remembered her walking in with Sister Mary Cynthia after the brylcreem incident.

The news of us getting engaged spread through the clinic like wildfire. I can never remember receiving so many hugs from people. Everyone seemed so pleased for us, even Trixie. Trixie and I had finally found our way back to the friendship we had shared on this trip- a friendship that had been strangled because of Tom. Now things were better than before and I couldn't have been happier.

As I finished writing the memories down on paper, I looked up and found Tom standing before me. In his hand was a gorgeous white lily. He gave me a bashful smile and said, "A beautiful flower for my fiancee." I smiled at him, stood and took the flower from him. I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. "Thank you." It would be a lovely reminder of the place where Tom had proposed to me for their had been lilies growing nearby.

The lily is now dried and placed in a box of memories. Ticket stubs from movies, the straw from our first date, a sherbet lolly and my grass ring. It has been placed with my things along with my journal to be moved into the parish after today. For today was the day that I would officially become Tom's wife.


End file.
